Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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