I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
