at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
