ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
3pm strippers are depressing
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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