he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
