i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
