brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
