4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's never too late to be topless.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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