was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
