This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
