I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
