I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
