How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I am naked and annoyed.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
