I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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