there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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