New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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