I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
