Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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