How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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