so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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