did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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