That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
