I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
