His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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