Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
