Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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