This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
