the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
