I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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