Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
