Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
