do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
