cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
