you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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