Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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