he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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