I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
