Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
