i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
