forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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