Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize