She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
