I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
whose parrot is this?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
