I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize