I got chris browned last night
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize