He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
