Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Oh god it's open bar.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
