I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
