Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Someone signed my nipple.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
