I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
