I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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