You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
