I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize