so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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