Who did Billy Mays play for?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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