Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize