one might say we're banned from that church
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
