I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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