Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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