Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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