Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
