My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
