You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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