dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
