Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
