You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
