You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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