I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
