I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
