it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
