just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
