Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
