what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
