You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
