i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I could make wine with my vomit
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
