That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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