actually, I'm a sock model
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
