so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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