I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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