I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
