life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
