hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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