my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
