Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
