The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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