I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
