hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
