I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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