I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
