Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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