I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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