God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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