Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
