she was so not down for the gang bang
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
